Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] The moment that you think you are a separate wave, that you are a wave separate from the ocean, you start to pit yourself against the ocean. Now, when the ocean starts to swell and it starts to move you, you start to think to yourself, wait a minute, the ocean shouldn't be doing this. What is the ocean doing? And you start to fight against the ocean. The moment you do that is the moment you start to create your own suffering.
[00:00:28] Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Stephanie Zeller. I'm so happy to have you here with me today. Today I want to share with you one simple but very profound, maybe the most profound tool that you can use to decrease suffering and strain in your life. This is deceptively powerful. So my suggestion to you is really to listen with an open heart and try it. Try it in your life for about a week or so because it will blow your mind. If you liked today's episode, be sure to share it and give me a five stars. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show so you don't miss future episodes. And be sure to check out the show notes below. I have another podcast, so if you enjoy this one, you will probably like that one too. That is called the magic of transformation with Stephanie Zeller. And you can also find my courses and coaching website, thetransformationschool.com, below as well. Without further ado, let's get into the episode.
[00:01:29] There are things in our lives that we essentially don't want to happen. And when these things occur that we feel like they are situations or people that are causing us to feel a great amount of discomfort, what we do internally in those situations is we resist them. We, in a way, rage against them inside. The single greatest shift that I have made in my life that has reduced suffering can be boiled down to one word. And that word is yes.
[00:02:10] Learning to say yes to everything in my experience, versus having an energy of opposition versus resisting. The famous psychotherapist Carl Jung said, what we resist persists. And due to my own experience, I say this phrase all the time, but I have slightly changed it to what we resist, persist, and grow stronger. Here's the thing. When we have oppositional energy to anything in our experience, it actually grows stronger. That energy of discomfort or disease grows. So let's, let's get real here. Like, let me give you some tangible examples. Simple example. First, let's say that you are headed to work, and on your way to work, there is a traffic jam. Now, in your mind, if you start immediately railing against your current circumstances, if you start feeling really frustrated and triggered that there is a traffic jam, how does that make you feel in your body? How does it feel in your body to resist the traffic jam? Now, you may be thinking, well, it's not me creating the feelings, it's the traffic jam. But that's actually not true. It's the way you are viewing the traffic jam and your resistance to your current experience that is creating your suffering versus somebody else that is in a traffic jam that may think, ugh, c'est la vie. It is what it is, right? Oh, okay, didn't expect this, but it's here. Now, what are we gonna do? And maybe they put on their favorite podcast, these are two different people in the same situation. Let's say both people are running late, but one person doesn't resist their experience. One person says, yes, here's a traffic jam. Yes, I am open to this experience. This experience is happening, and I'm going to say yes to it. I'm not going to make it wrong. I'm not going to be adversarial with it. I'm not going to oppose or resist it. I'm going to acknowledge that it's happening, and I'm going to say yes to it, and I'm going to let my body relax, and I'm going to know that this is just what's happening. And I'm going to put on my favorite podcast versus the other person of, oh, no, now I'm going to be running late and feeling the oppositional energy. Who is suffering more? Who is suffering at all? The person who is saying no to their experience is the one that is experiencing suffering. Now, let's take this to something more complex. Let's say a cancer diagnosis. Now, before I go into this, I just want to say, if emotions come up around difficult situations, what I am suggesting is not to bypass them. I am not suggesting spiritual bypassing, where we just pretend to not be experiencing emotions. You want to experience your emotions, but you, you want to move from a place of resistance and opposition to a yes energy. And a lot of times, actually, the pathway to do that is to experience all of your emotions. So let's say there's two people that receive the same cancer diagnosis, and they have very similar life situations. One person gets really angry and says, fuck this, and, you know, says, fuck cancer, and makes the whole thing really oppositional and adversarial. They start to pursue their treatments, but they do so in an energy of anger and rage the whole time. Person number two says, wow, okay. If this is what life is wanting me to experience, I trust that there's something here for me. I trust that there's lessons. I trust that I, as a person, as a consciousness, I'm going to evolve, and I'm open to receiving whatever life has planned for me, and I'm also going to seek out the very best care, and I'm going to attempt to heal my body. So person number two goes and pursues treatment, but they do so in an energy of peace, trusting their experience, trusting that whatever emotions come up, they will be able to handle, they will feel their emotions, trusting that there is a deeper lesson here. Trusting that they, as consciousness, will be evolving and exploring and discovering new things through this experience.
[00:06:31] Who do you think is more likely to heal and to experience more peace and ease in their body? Person number one, who is doing their treatments, but doing so in an energy of rage and resistance and sort of like, fuck cancer energy, or person number two, that is saying, I'm doing the best to heal my body, but I trust life, I trust my experience, and I'm going to seek out peace and feel my emotions as they rise to both. People may experience physical discomfort, but who is more likely to experience greater emotional psychological distress? Person one, who is resisting their experience in an energy of rage and anger? Or person number two, that is saying yes. That is saying yes to life. Yes to their experience, however difficult it may be.
[00:07:29] So much of my life I was in opposition to. I think back to when my best friend was killed in a car accident when I was 14.
[00:07:40] It took me literally years and years to move through that trauma, and it was an actual trauma. I was present when she was killed. It was very brutal, and I had severe ptsd from it. But for so long, I had this belief that that shouldn't have happened. And it was actually the belief that life shouldn't have happened that way. That created all of my suffering because it put me in direct opposition to life. I now was against the flow of life. I was working against the flow of life. I thought I knew better in life. I thought that it shouldn't have happened, but everything that has happened should have happened. How do I know? Because it did. Because it did happen. When we are in the flow with life, connected to the Tao, connected to consciousness, connected to love, we trust what happens, and we are in a yes. Energy. And this doesn't mean that difficult things won't arise, but what it means is that our suffering will be significantly decreased because we aren't working against the flow of life. So when I was working against the fact that my friend had died, it prolonged my suffering substantially. Four years. I used to have chronic pain, and I've had over a dozen major surgeries. Every time it would happen, I would have deep, deep anxiety, and I would think it shouldn't be happening. And that was creating significantly more suffering, and it was delaying my healing in some cases. And because I was against life, because I felt like it shouldn't be happening, I then held more stress in my body. Because when we are in opposition to life, when we think something shouldn't be happening, then we are in a defensive energy, and a defensive energy shows up in our body.
[00:09:46] If you think about someone that is open and flowy and trusting in one situation versus another person who is very, very defensive and afraid of getting hurt, how are their two bodies going to be the person that is in opposition to life, that is resisting life? Their whole body is going to be in a defensive posture. They're going to be maybe hunched over, shoulders up, jaw tight, fists clenched, hips tight, everything super, super tight protecting. Whereas the person that is saying yes, that is trusting, that is open, that is flowing, that flow and ease is going to show up in their body. So when it comes to physical health, of course, someone that is more open and trusting and flowing is going to have an easier time healing as well. I had, in several of my relationships, I had oppositional energy. If someone was behaving a certain way, I would think to myself, they shouldn't be like this. This person shouldn't be like this. And then I would take it upon myself to try and change them, or to be angry with them, or to express to them how they shouldn't be this way?
[00:10:55] Who was I to know how that person should be? Why did I think that I knew better than life?
[00:11:03] When it comes to relationships, moving into a yes energy doesn't mean that we let people mistreat us. No, of course not. What it means, though, is that we acknowledge what's actually happening versus fighting it and being in opposition to it. So if someone is emotionally abusing me, my old way of being would be to resist that and to attempt to change them and to be very angry about it versus. Now what I might do is I might still feel emotions. I'm going to feel those emotions to completion, right? I'm not going to bypass the emotions, but I'm also going to recognize that that is actually happening, and this person is showing me who they are by their actions, and then I'm going to say yes to that experience. Okay, for whatever reason, right now, I am experiencing this person that is not being kind to me, that is emotionally abusing me in some way. I'm saying yes to this experience, and then I'm going to explore, what is it here that I have to learn? Why am I in this situation?
[00:12:03] How can I respond from love? And a lot of times, me responding from love is going to be me setting a boundary and saying, hey, this is not acceptable. If you want to be in relationship with me, you won't treat me like that because I love myself and I love you. And because of that, I will not allow this mistreatment to continue because that is not what love would do.
[00:12:29] So again, if you take two versions of me, me, the old version, who was resisting their reality of someone mistreating them, feeling like a total victim, feeling very upset and emotional, berating them, telling them they should be different, me feeling really angry, like I shouldn't be experiencing life like this right now, like this person shouldn't be doing this. That really puts me in a prison. Like I can't change anything versus the way that I would respond now, which would be like, wow, okay, this person is treating me like this. This is reality. This is what is happening. I'm going to say yes to this experience because there must be a reason that I'm experiencing this right now. And then I'm going to feel into how would love respond from a yes.
[00:13:16] And I'm going to set a boundary and I'm going to tell them, hey, if you want to remain in relationship with me, I can't allow this experience to occur any longer. Now, those two versions of me, which one is suffering more? The one that is not setting the boundary and that is demanding change but not getting it. And that is feeling like a victim and feeling like life shouldn't be happening that way. Or the version of me now that is saying yes to life, understanding that there must be a reason this is occurring, and then giving me a sense of power to create the change.
[00:13:49] In Rupert Spyra's book, you are the happiness you seek, he has an amazing quote about this. He says, the moment we separate ourself out from the totality as a separate self or person, we create a state of opposition. The remedy is say yes to experience.
[00:14:11] In doing so, we align ourself with the universe moment by moment, rather than pitting ourself against it. So let me just break this down here. His first sentence is, the moment we separate ourself out from the totality as a separate self or person. We create a state of opposition. So much of what I'm trying to convey in this particular podcast is that we are all one, we are all connected. I am just a different wave in the ocean than you or someone else. But we are all the ocean. We are all the water, just appearing in different wave forms. The moment that you think you are a separate wave, that you are a wave separate from the ocean, you start to pit yourself against the ocean. Now, when the ocean starts to swell and it starts to move you, you start to think to yourself, wait a minute, the ocean shouldn't be doing this.
[00:15:12] What is the ocean doing? And you start to fight against the ocean. The moment you do that is the moment you start to create your own suffering. You have now separated yourself from the whole. So not only will you feel separate, will you feel lonely, will you feel isolated, will you feel like a victim, but you will also start to feel defensiveness in your body. You will start to feel shut down, you will start to feel tight. You will start to have health problems, all because you separated yourself out from the hole and you thought you knew better than the ocean.
[00:15:45] So, as Rupert Spyra says, the remedy is say yes to experience. Say yes to the swell. Say yes to what the ocean is doing through you as a wave going on again, as he says, in doing so, we align ourself with the universe, moment by moment, rather than pitting ourself against it.
[00:16:13] This yes goes for literally everything that you experience in life. You are simply saying, yes, there must be purpose here. If life is moving through me and around me in this way, there must be purpose. And I am open to this experience.
[00:16:32] Because the moment you start to resist the experience is the moment your suffering intensifies.
[00:16:39] So right now, think about what it is in your life that you are resisting.
[00:16:44] What in your life do you feel like shouldn't be happening?
[00:16:49] Feel into that for a moment.
[00:16:53] Feel what your body does when you think about that thing.
[00:16:59] Now for a moment, just think about something joyful in your life. Something that really brings you joy. Perhaps it's like a child or a pet, or a job or a vacation. Just think about that joyful thing. I mean, really do this exercise because this is going to demonstrate so much and it's going to help you embody this wisdom. So think about something that brings you joy. And as you think about that thing that brings you joy. Right now in your mind, notice what your body does in response to that.
[00:17:28] Does it open up? Do your shoulders drop? Does your jaw relax? Now go back to the thing that you feel like shouldn't be happening in your life right now, that you feel like is wrong.
[00:17:39] And again, notice what your body does in response to that.
[00:17:44] This is like you walking upstream.
[00:17:48] It is you as the wave resisting the ocean.
[00:17:53] How is one wave going to resist the power of the entire ocean?
[00:17:58] It would have to exert so much force, right, in order to try and do that. And yet it's also impossible. You can't resist the flow of life, the flow of reality.
[00:18:11] You can't resist it. Nevertheless, we try, and it is that that actually creates our suffering.
[00:18:18] So, as you are resisting and tensing up, walking upstream, resisting the force of the ocean flow, right now, in your mind, try this simple exercise and just say yes, even if it's hard, even if it is creating some deep emotions in you. What would happen if you just trusted life, if you said yes to the flow, if you rejoined your waveform with the rest of the ocean, and you trusted that the ocean knew what it was doing?
[00:18:57] What would happen if you trusted the Tao, if you trusted consciousness, if you trusted the universe?
[00:19:04] Ultimately, what I believe is that life, the universe, is you.
[00:19:14] You are one, you are God. You are everything. You are the field. You are consciousness. It's just that when we come here to earth, we forget. We forget that we are the ocean. We think that we are separate. We think we are just the wave. We think we are just the characters in the movie rather than the actor playing the character. But if for a moment, you can imagine that there is a bigger part of you, there is a bigger, more vast, expansive part of you that is the ocean, that is the whole.
[00:19:57] And that part of you is love.
[00:20:02] Love as its guiding force.
[00:20:05] If you can imagine that the ocean that is moving you is love and is part of you, is guiding your life, if you can imagine that you are actually being supported, that nothing is out to get you, that whatever you are experiencing is for your highest good, can you say yes? Can you say yes to you? Can you say yes to love?
[00:20:32] Can you say yes and open to whatever life is presenting to you so that you can evolve and transcend and make your way back home to love that is calling you?
[00:20:48] Every experience that we have is an experience created, crafted to remind us of who we are and of what we are connected to, that we are loved, that we are connected to the ocean, that we aren't a separate, isolated wave.
[00:21:07] But instead, if we drop back, if we fall back, if we fall back into the arms of love and we trust life, we might sense, we might feel that we are connected to a whole, that we actually aren't alone at any moment in time. That energy vibrates through us all, that we're all in this web of connectivity and that life has got us.
[00:21:30] And all life is doing is trying to usher us home.
[00:21:36] So as you call to mind that thing that you've been resisting, take a big deep breath in through your nose and a big exhale out.
[00:21:45] And just say yes.
[00:21:49] Say yes to life. Say yes to your experience.
[00:21:53] Because the moment you do, the moment you open, the closer you are to feeling at home and the more likely you are to experience peace. No matter the situation, peace is always one word away. And that word is yes.
[00:22:15] So the next time you are experiencing deep suffering, ask yourself, where am I resisting my experience?
[00:22:24] And how can I simply open and say yes to whatever life is wanting me to experience today?
[00:22:34] Here's my challenge for you in this next week. Put yes post it notes all over your house, all over your car, everywhere. And experiment with this. Experiment with saying yes. And again, this doesn't mean that difficult emotions won't come up when they do feel them, but when you can change your fundamental posture towards life instead of resisting it and saying no and thinking something shouldn't have happened, looking at every single thing that occurs as though it was all meant to, and saying yes to everything. Watch how your life opens. Watch how your body shifts into a state of ease, and watch how much more peace you begin to experience.
[00:23:15] If you know someone that could benefit from this episode, be sure to pass it along to them. And don't forget to rate and review the show, and follow and subscribe so you don't miss future episodes. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Until next time.
